I remember watching Bruce Almighty, and there is a part where Jim Carey ask Morgan Freeman why doesn't God just give you patience and Morgan Freeman said, because that's not how he works. He puts you into situation that develop the patience, don't quote me but it was something like that. Anyway when I heard this I was like wow, another lesson kicked and some questions had been answered.
Flash back to 1984, my cousin had left some books with me to safe keep for him and one of the books was The Book of Moses. I was reading through this book and came upon a ceremony to make one wiser. I read it, thought about it and then gathered the tools to do the ceremony, there were several other ones i coulda done but being wise to me always seemed kinda regal, I don't know maybe it's just me. So I do the ceremony in an open field and go home. When I woke up the next morning I didn't feel any wiser and it kinda just slipped to the back of my mind.
This is where the Bruce Almighty statement comes in, "she don't work like that", she puts you in situations that will make you wiser. The next 27 yrs will attest to that, I have live, I have seen, I have experienced. Someday when I think back all I can do is shake my head and say wow! I am a people watcher and I promise watching folks has been some of the best lessons learned, not to mention some of the most entertaining.
So in the end I am not sure if the ceremony contributed to the lessons I have learned, but it does give me pause to think, be careful what you asked for because once spoken sets you up for the next lesson and you never know how that is gonna turn out or the roads you will have to travel to get to the final destination.
I wouldn't give nothing for the journey cause for sure I am wiser for it.
My Winter's Walk
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Nails in the Window
Being an only child and the fact that my sister died as a toddler, coupled with the fact that I didn't live with my mother until I was seven helped to fuel her over possessiveness, hence I didn't get to do much as a child. I couldn't visit friends if they had a brother or father living in the house, I guess she was scared I'd get molested, wow she never had a clue that the boogeyman was a lot closer to home. Any way during the summer of my fourteenth year most of my friends,were sixteen and seventeen and they were going to parties, hanging out and I wanted to go to. So I devised a plan to get me out of the house.
My bedtime was 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night. I would say good-night and place all my stuff animals in the bed so it look like I was sleeping. I would then dress, open my bedroom window and be gone! I would go through the neighbors back yard, climb their fence, hit the alley, run one block to my girls house, pick up the outfit for the evening and be gone. I was able to get away with this for a few months, but as they say all good things must come to an end. As I climbed back into the window one night, there was my momma sitting up waiting on me. Well she didn't beat my butt that night for I am sure if she had I wouldn't have age an hour more, but what she did do is she put several nails in the window and broke off the heads of the nails as she gave me that "I could really beat your ass", look. As I watched her nail the window shut it was like all the air was being sucked out of the room. I have always been claustrophobic and I literally could not breath.
After she left my room I paced back and forth, finally I looked a the nails in the window and the voice in my head said "shoot you can do this". It took me one week to take the nails out, one by one and on Friday night I was gone again. Well when I came home the window was locked, meaning I would have to knock to get in. NOT! I went to the bathroom window off the back porch, took the trash can put it up to the window and climbed in. So quiet not making any noise. I got in my momma's bed, cause she was in mind and went to sleep. So many times my angel's were looking out for me, cause again I coulda died. Boy oh boy the dumb shit we do as kids.
One of the things I am so thankful, I was able to apologize to her before she began her walk as an Ancestor.
My bedtime was 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night. I would say good-night and place all my stuff animals in the bed so it look like I was sleeping. I would then dress, open my bedroom window and be gone! I would go through the neighbors back yard, climb their fence, hit the alley, run one block to my girls house, pick up the outfit for the evening and be gone. I was able to get away with this for a few months, but as they say all good things must come to an end. As I climbed back into the window one night, there was my momma sitting up waiting on me. Well she didn't beat my butt that night for I am sure if she had I wouldn't have age an hour more, but what she did do is she put several nails in the window and broke off the heads of the nails as she gave me that "I could really beat your ass", look. As I watched her nail the window shut it was like all the air was being sucked out of the room. I have always been claustrophobic and I literally could not breath.
After she left my room I paced back and forth, finally I looked a the nails in the window and the voice in my head said "shoot you can do this". It took me one week to take the nails out, one by one and on Friday night I was gone again. Well when I came home the window was locked, meaning I would have to knock to get in. NOT! I went to the bathroom window off the back porch, took the trash can put it up to the window and climbed in. So quiet not making any noise. I got in my momma's bed, cause she was in mind and went to sleep. So many times my angel's were looking out for me, cause again I coulda died. Boy oh boy the dumb shit we do as kids.
One of the things I am so thankful, I was able to apologize to her before she began her walk as an Ancestor.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Brilliance of a Jewel
A jewel is always found deep in the earth once uncovered it has to be dusted off and shine up before it's true brilliance can be seen. A Jewel that goes from deep within the earth to be a shining symbol of what can be from what once was is amazing in it's own right.
A Jewel can be battered around, scratched and scuffed up, but once you shine it up again, the brilliance will come shinning through again.
A Jewel can be throne on the ground and shattered to many pieces, but in the end each piece will shine with it's on brilliance
A Jewel has to go through so much in the elements before it's brilliance is uncovered giving it strength as it survives to be seen
A Jewel can be battered around, scratched and scuffed up, but once you shine it up again, the brilliance will come shinning through again.
A Jewel can be throne on the ground and shattered to many pieces, but in the end each piece will shine with it's on brilliance
A Jewel has to go through so much in the elements before it's brilliance is uncovered giving it strength as it survives to be seen
Sunday Morning
Update...If you don't have good insurance and you get terminally ill, you gonna die. Unless you get real real lucky and land a doctor that really cares about their patients and not just in it for the money , you are gonna die if you wait and depend on them. We are going like in to the third month now and we still do not have a date for surgery. There are three hospitals that we were trying to get my husband into, USA Medical Center, third choice, City of Hope, first choice and Huntington Memorial, second choice. We found the Doctor and put in request for surgery. Reply came back we do not have contracts with those hospitals. These three hospitals are the best in our area and two of them are in the upper stats in the country. But I knew it would be a fight with the insurance company, HealthNet, but it is not even a fight, you cannot go to these hospitals and we pay for it, period. This is why we started the herb treatment.
When we started this journey his PSA was 14 point something, within 2 weeks it was up to 15.5, now mind you this is almost 3 months now. When we started him on the herb treatment it (PSA) was 15.5 after a six day treatment it went down to 9.8 and after the next 7 day treatment it went down to 9.3. We (he) is starting another 12 day treatment 6 days for one set of herbs and 6 days for another 6 days and I am hopeful that the PSA will come down even more, but what if we had not started this treatment can you imagine how much farther up it would have gone. So you can catch a illness early but you got to fuck around with these insurance companies that's what will kill your azz. Next my husband's doctor as of the first of year will no longer be a part of the group he is in, what? In the middle of a treatment, whew, ok they have form you can fill out to request you stay with doctor till end of treatment.
So it is not the illness that kills you, it is the medication (which nobody has even suggested to him)or the insurance company or both. What is really amazing is if he had medicare, they would pay for him to go to these three hospitals, now ain't that some mess. So now we are waiting for them to send him to knew doctor, then we have first appointment, then put in for approval, so now we talking after the first of the year. Wow..and doctors don't want you to do alternative medicine, they'd rather you die if they don't get the money. But if we lived in Canada, a different story. America, land of the free, home of the braves and graves of the under-insured.
When we started this journey his PSA was 14 point something, within 2 weeks it was up to 15.5, now mind you this is almost 3 months now. When we started him on the herb treatment it (PSA) was 15.5 after a six day treatment it went down to 9.8 and after the next 7 day treatment it went down to 9.3. We (he) is starting another 12 day treatment 6 days for one set of herbs and 6 days for another 6 days and I am hopeful that the PSA will come down even more, but what if we had not started this treatment can you imagine how much farther up it would have gone. So you can catch a illness early but you got to fuck around with these insurance companies that's what will kill your azz. Next my husband's doctor as of the first of year will no longer be a part of the group he is in, what? In the middle of a treatment, whew, ok they have form you can fill out to request you stay with doctor till end of treatment.
So it is not the illness that kills you, it is the medication (which nobody has even suggested to him)or the insurance company or both. What is really amazing is if he had medicare, they would pay for him to go to these three hospitals, now ain't that some mess. So now we are waiting for them to send him to knew doctor, then we have first appointment, then put in for approval, so now we talking after the first of the year. Wow..and doctors don't want you to do alternative medicine, they'd rather you die if they don't get the money. But if we lived in Canada, a different story. America, land of the free, home of the braves and graves of the under-insured.
Friday, November 18, 2011
MAKE DO WOMEN AUTHOR ~ UNKNOWN
When I was preparing to get married, I started getting all sorts of advice especially at bridal from family and friends. But one of the most interesting "lessons" came from a woman I met for the first time, just a few weeks before the big day. She said, "Honey, whatever you do, don’t ever let yourself become a "make-do" woman." I had no idea what she meant, but of course she was about to explain.
She continued, "men" don’t deny themselves anything. Whatever they want to buy, they buy. Whatever they want to do they do. Meanwhile, there is the wife, making do with her hair not being done, her clothes from yester-year, her nails in need, never had a pedicure, scraping the bottom of her tube of lipstick! Oh, I could go on and on with how "we" make do. And why? Because the car needs fixing, this bill is behind, we have to use our time to take care of this, or take care of that, we’re saving for this, working, cooking, cleaning, raising, etc." She warned me to never become a make-do woman, because she says if you start, it is hard to stop and one could easily find themselves making-do for the rest of their lives.
It’s not good to start something that you do not intend to finish. I vowed, it would never happen to me. I didn’t think much more of the conversation until one day I began to take notice, she was right. Men are a lot better at being good to themselves.
Some call it being selfish, there has to be another word for it. Tell me if you know. Whatever you call it. It will have it’s place. When they want to play ball, or golf, or fish, they go! When they want to buy clothes, or equipment, or video games, or whatever their "thing" is, they buy! Have you ever tried to stop one? Has anyone ever been able to stop one? Let me know! When I look around I see a whole heap of make-do women, married or not, with or without children, they are all over the place! I have decided that I am going to make my best effort to become a "make-time" woman!
I will make the time to do what I need to do to be good to myself, whether that’s a trip to the salon, or the gym, or the mall. This time I’m gonna take a lesson from the guys!
This was sent to me courtesy of "Roslyn". Roslyn sends me lots of women, girlfriend stuff. We started corresponding after our family tragedy the first part of this year and I sure thank her for the food for thought that she sends out. Remember we’ve got to share cause you just might be that light in the tunnel of confusion that we all travel through.
So Ladies how many of us have been there done that. I didn’t think of myself as a "Make Do Women until Forty Days and Forty Nights my soul just opened up. I had finally reached an age when I decided I had given enough of myself over the years to be deserving of taking the time to work on me. I must tell you this was met with great resistance from my family. I have been made to feel guilty for having this attitude by many family members, those that I thought would support me in this search for inner peace, for the run I was making to be a better me. It had me running in circles until one day I decided too heck with them na-sayers, because if not now when. I don’t want to spend the remaining days of my life feeling I had done it somebody else’s way. I no longer feel comfortable being
"A Make Do Women, how about you?
She continued, "men" don’t deny themselves anything. Whatever they want to buy, they buy. Whatever they want to do they do. Meanwhile, there is the wife, making do with her hair not being done, her clothes from yester-year, her nails in need, never had a pedicure, scraping the bottom of her tube of lipstick! Oh, I could go on and on with how "we" make do. And why? Because the car needs fixing, this bill is behind, we have to use our time to take care of this, or take care of that, we’re saving for this, working, cooking, cleaning, raising, etc." She warned me to never become a make-do woman, because she says if you start, it is hard to stop and one could easily find themselves making-do for the rest of their lives.
It’s not good to start something that you do not intend to finish. I vowed, it would never happen to me. I didn’t think much more of the conversation until one day I began to take notice, she was right. Men are a lot better at being good to themselves.
Some call it being selfish, there has to be another word for it. Tell me if you know. Whatever you call it. It will have it’s place. When they want to play ball, or golf, or fish, they go! When they want to buy clothes, or equipment, or video games, or whatever their "thing" is, they buy! Have you ever tried to stop one? Has anyone ever been able to stop one? Let me know! When I look around I see a whole heap of make-do women, married or not, with or without children, they are all over the place! I have decided that I am going to make my best effort to become a "make-time" woman!
I will make the time to do what I need to do to be good to myself, whether that’s a trip to the salon, or the gym, or the mall. This time I’m gonna take a lesson from the guys!
This was sent to me courtesy of "Roslyn". Roslyn sends me lots of women, girlfriend stuff. We started corresponding after our family tragedy the first part of this year and I sure thank her for the food for thought that she sends out. Remember we’ve got to share cause you just might be that light in the tunnel of confusion that we all travel through.
So Ladies how many of us have been there done that. I didn’t think of myself as a "Make Do Women until Forty Days and Forty Nights my soul just opened up. I had finally reached an age when I decided I had given enough of myself over the years to be deserving of taking the time to work on me. I must tell you this was met with great resistance from my family. I have been made to feel guilty for having this attitude by many family members, those that I thought would support me in this search for inner peace, for the run I was making to be a better me. It had me running in circles until one day I decided too heck with them na-sayers, because if not now when. I don’t want to spend the remaining days of my life feeling I had done it somebody else’s way. I no longer feel comfortable being
"A Make Do Women, how about you?
The Little Things
I don’t know how many of you out there watch Extreme Home Make Over, but it amazes me every week at the houses they build and the people they help. The little boy two weeks ago with the brittle bones, they gave him a life, and his own pool in his bedroom, or Job on last weeks show and the challenges he faces, this week granting a dying mans’ last wish for his family.
I was trying to think of somebody that would benefit from this show and then I listen each week to the amazing stories and remember my grandmother’s words, “I cried because I had no shoes till I met the man that had no feet”. When ever we think we got it bad, just look around and choose whose shoes you would want to walk in. It is not always the big things in life that leave a lasting impression but more times than not it is the little things that last forever.
For me the little things are what I cline to, like the smile on my grandbaby’s face when she looks up and suddenly see me. The sound of her voice ringing in my ears so full of innocence or starring into her eyes and seeing endless possibilities as this soul begins this journey called life.
Little things, little things, little things, like watching the flowers in this giant hanging pot on my front porch, they dance as the water reaches their roots, just a little bobbing up and down, or the new flower just starting to bloom on the tomato plant, soon to be a bright red juicy delectable fruit to be savored. Nothing tastes better than a fresh picked tomato with just a little bit of Johnny’s seasoning on it.
The little things, like being able to walk around the block with out having to stop for breath for still being able to swim a lap in the pool So many little things that we take for granted, The Little things.
I was trying to think of somebody that would benefit from this show and then I listen each week to the amazing stories and remember my grandmother’s words, “I cried because I had no shoes till I met the man that had no feet”. When ever we think we got it bad, just look around and choose whose shoes you would want to walk in. It is not always the big things in life that leave a lasting impression but more times than not it is the little things that last forever.
For me the little things are what I cline to, like the smile on my grandbaby’s face when she looks up and suddenly see me. The sound of her voice ringing in my ears so full of innocence or starring into her eyes and seeing endless possibilities as this soul begins this journey called life.
Little things, little things, little things, like watching the flowers in this giant hanging pot on my front porch, they dance as the water reaches their roots, just a little bobbing up and down, or the new flower just starting to bloom on the tomato plant, soon to be a bright red juicy delectable fruit to be savored. Nothing tastes better than a fresh picked tomato with just a little bit of Johnny’s seasoning on it.
The little things, like being able to walk around the block with out having to stop for breath for still being able to swim a lap in the pool So many little things that we take for granted, The Little things.
A Moment In Time
I was sitting in my favorite easy chair and I must have doze just a bit. The doorbell awakens me and I fumble with the lock trying to open the door. I saw an older woman standing beneath the old oak tree with her back to me. She was dressed in casual clothes befitting to a woman of her age. Giving off an aura of wisdom and self-assurance. She saw me peeking at her from a far, not quite ready to open the door. Causally she plucked a chair it seemed out of thin air, putting her feet up as she took a seat. As I studied her there in the door; I could see the flecks of gray mingled in her hair. The tale, tale signs of laughter shared danced in her eyes. The slumped of her shoulders spoke of burdens born out of despair. Who was this woman and what did she want. A smiled played at the corners of her mouth as she said, "I’ll wait someday you’ll let me in".
With a wave of her hand I was transported it seemed back in time as I watched a little girl playing with her dolls. This child with an angel’s face smiled at me and asked, "Hey do you remember this place"? It was my mother’s house on a Sunday morning as I struggled to shake the wraps of being a little girl just starting her journey in this world. Yes indeed I did remember. Scenes from a different time reflecting back on the youth that was once mine. With a wave of her hand and now I stand in another moment frozen in time producing hologram pictures of the history in my mind. Quickly the picture changes to the delivery room where I first marveled at the recreation in birth. As I wonder why I am here my heart quickens her voice causes just a little apprehension. My spirit is calmed as she assures me she is not death, and not here to take me for that long rest.
Why then I asked her is she here? From me my child you have nothing to fear I have merely shown you who you were and how far you have come. It seems I must have fallen back to sleep for when I awoke it was with a sense of peace. My senses holding on to the fragment of a dream, it seems like it was important what ever it was. Someone has left the door ajar and I hear a voice that says never worry I’m not far. Remember me? I’m you that shooting star!
With a wave of her hand I was transported it seemed back in time as I watched a little girl playing with her dolls. This child with an angel’s face smiled at me and asked, "Hey do you remember this place"? It was my mother’s house on a Sunday morning as I struggled to shake the wraps of being a little girl just starting her journey in this world. Yes indeed I did remember. Scenes from a different time reflecting back on the youth that was once mine. With a wave of her hand and now I stand in another moment frozen in time producing hologram pictures of the history in my mind. Quickly the picture changes to the delivery room where I first marveled at the recreation in birth. As I wonder why I am here my heart quickens her voice causes just a little apprehension. My spirit is calmed as she assures me she is not death, and not here to take me for that long rest.
Why then I asked her is she here? From me my child you have nothing to fear I have merely shown you who you were and how far you have come. It seems I must have fallen back to sleep for when I awoke it was with a sense of peace. My senses holding on to the fragment of a dream, it seems like it was important what ever it was. Someone has left the door ajar and I hear a voice that says never worry I’m not far. Remember me? I’m you that shooting star!
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