A jewel is always found deep in the earth once uncovered it has to be dusted off and shine up before it's true brilliance can be seen. A Jewel that goes from deep within the earth to be a shining symbol of what can be from what once was is amazing in it's own right.
A Jewel can be battered around, scratched and scuffed up, but once you shine it up again, the brilliance will come shinning through again.
A Jewel can be throne on the ground and shattered to many pieces, but in the end each piece will shine with it's on brilliance
A Jewel has to go through so much in the elements before it's brilliance is uncovered giving it strength as it survives to be seen
My Winter's Walk
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sunday Morning
Update...If you don't have good insurance and you get terminally ill, you gonna die. Unless you get real real lucky and land a doctor that really cares about their patients and not just in it for the money , you are gonna die if you wait and depend on them. We are going like in to the third month now and we still do not have a date for surgery. There are three hospitals that we were trying to get my husband into, USA Medical Center, third choice, City of Hope, first choice and Huntington Memorial, second choice. We found the Doctor and put in request for surgery. Reply came back we do not have contracts with those hospitals. These three hospitals are the best in our area and two of them are in the upper stats in the country. But I knew it would be a fight with the insurance company, HealthNet, but it is not even a fight, you cannot go to these hospitals and we pay for it, period. This is why we started the herb treatment.
When we started this journey his PSA was 14 point something, within 2 weeks it was up to 15.5, now mind you this is almost 3 months now. When we started him on the herb treatment it (PSA) was 15.5 after a six day treatment it went down to 9.8 and after the next 7 day treatment it went down to 9.3. We (he) is starting another 12 day treatment 6 days for one set of herbs and 6 days for another 6 days and I am hopeful that the PSA will come down even more, but what if we had not started this treatment can you imagine how much farther up it would have gone. So you can catch a illness early but you got to fuck around with these insurance companies that's what will kill your azz. Next my husband's doctor as of the first of year will no longer be a part of the group he is in, what? In the middle of a treatment, whew, ok they have form you can fill out to request you stay with doctor till end of treatment.
So it is not the illness that kills you, it is the medication (which nobody has even suggested to him)or the insurance company or both. What is really amazing is if he had medicare, they would pay for him to go to these three hospitals, now ain't that some mess. So now we are waiting for them to send him to knew doctor, then we have first appointment, then put in for approval, so now we talking after the first of the year. Wow..and doctors don't want you to do alternative medicine, they'd rather you die if they don't get the money. But if we lived in Canada, a different story. America, land of the free, home of the braves and graves of the under-insured.
When we started this journey his PSA was 14 point something, within 2 weeks it was up to 15.5, now mind you this is almost 3 months now. When we started him on the herb treatment it (PSA) was 15.5 after a six day treatment it went down to 9.8 and after the next 7 day treatment it went down to 9.3. We (he) is starting another 12 day treatment 6 days for one set of herbs and 6 days for another 6 days and I am hopeful that the PSA will come down even more, but what if we had not started this treatment can you imagine how much farther up it would have gone. So you can catch a illness early but you got to fuck around with these insurance companies that's what will kill your azz. Next my husband's doctor as of the first of year will no longer be a part of the group he is in, what? In the middle of a treatment, whew, ok they have form you can fill out to request you stay with doctor till end of treatment.
So it is not the illness that kills you, it is the medication (which nobody has even suggested to him)or the insurance company or both. What is really amazing is if he had medicare, they would pay for him to go to these three hospitals, now ain't that some mess. So now we are waiting for them to send him to knew doctor, then we have first appointment, then put in for approval, so now we talking after the first of the year. Wow..and doctors don't want you to do alternative medicine, they'd rather you die if they don't get the money. But if we lived in Canada, a different story. America, land of the free, home of the braves and graves of the under-insured.
Friday, November 18, 2011
MAKE DO WOMEN AUTHOR ~ UNKNOWN
When I was preparing to get married, I started getting all sorts of advice especially at bridal from family and friends. But one of the most interesting "lessons" came from a woman I met for the first time, just a few weeks before the big day. She said, "Honey, whatever you do, don’t ever let yourself become a "make-do" woman." I had no idea what she meant, but of course she was about to explain.
She continued, "men" don’t deny themselves anything. Whatever they want to buy, they buy. Whatever they want to do they do. Meanwhile, there is the wife, making do with her hair not being done, her clothes from yester-year, her nails in need, never had a pedicure, scraping the bottom of her tube of lipstick! Oh, I could go on and on with how "we" make do. And why? Because the car needs fixing, this bill is behind, we have to use our time to take care of this, or take care of that, we’re saving for this, working, cooking, cleaning, raising, etc." She warned me to never become a make-do woman, because she says if you start, it is hard to stop and one could easily find themselves making-do for the rest of their lives.
It’s not good to start something that you do not intend to finish. I vowed, it would never happen to me. I didn’t think much more of the conversation until one day I began to take notice, she was right. Men are a lot better at being good to themselves.
Some call it being selfish, there has to be another word for it. Tell me if you know. Whatever you call it. It will have it’s place. When they want to play ball, or golf, or fish, they go! When they want to buy clothes, or equipment, or video games, or whatever their "thing" is, they buy! Have you ever tried to stop one? Has anyone ever been able to stop one? Let me know! When I look around I see a whole heap of make-do women, married or not, with or without children, they are all over the place! I have decided that I am going to make my best effort to become a "make-time" woman!
I will make the time to do what I need to do to be good to myself, whether that’s a trip to the salon, or the gym, or the mall. This time I’m gonna take a lesson from the guys!
This was sent to me courtesy of "Roslyn". Roslyn sends me lots of women, girlfriend stuff. We started corresponding after our family tragedy the first part of this year and I sure thank her for the food for thought that she sends out. Remember we’ve got to share cause you just might be that light in the tunnel of confusion that we all travel through.
So Ladies how many of us have been there done that. I didn’t think of myself as a "Make Do Women until Forty Days and Forty Nights my soul just opened up. I had finally reached an age when I decided I had given enough of myself over the years to be deserving of taking the time to work on me. I must tell you this was met with great resistance from my family. I have been made to feel guilty for having this attitude by many family members, those that I thought would support me in this search for inner peace, for the run I was making to be a better me. It had me running in circles until one day I decided too heck with them na-sayers, because if not now when. I don’t want to spend the remaining days of my life feeling I had done it somebody else’s way. I no longer feel comfortable being
"A Make Do Women, how about you?
She continued, "men" don’t deny themselves anything. Whatever they want to buy, they buy. Whatever they want to do they do. Meanwhile, there is the wife, making do with her hair not being done, her clothes from yester-year, her nails in need, never had a pedicure, scraping the bottom of her tube of lipstick! Oh, I could go on and on with how "we" make do. And why? Because the car needs fixing, this bill is behind, we have to use our time to take care of this, or take care of that, we’re saving for this, working, cooking, cleaning, raising, etc." She warned me to never become a make-do woman, because she says if you start, it is hard to stop and one could easily find themselves making-do for the rest of their lives.
It’s not good to start something that you do not intend to finish. I vowed, it would never happen to me. I didn’t think much more of the conversation until one day I began to take notice, she was right. Men are a lot better at being good to themselves.
Some call it being selfish, there has to be another word for it. Tell me if you know. Whatever you call it. It will have it’s place. When they want to play ball, or golf, or fish, they go! When they want to buy clothes, or equipment, or video games, or whatever their "thing" is, they buy! Have you ever tried to stop one? Has anyone ever been able to stop one? Let me know! When I look around I see a whole heap of make-do women, married or not, with or without children, they are all over the place! I have decided that I am going to make my best effort to become a "make-time" woman!
I will make the time to do what I need to do to be good to myself, whether that’s a trip to the salon, or the gym, or the mall. This time I’m gonna take a lesson from the guys!
This was sent to me courtesy of "Roslyn". Roslyn sends me lots of women, girlfriend stuff. We started corresponding after our family tragedy the first part of this year and I sure thank her for the food for thought that she sends out. Remember we’ve got to share cause you just might be that light in the tunnel of confusion that we all travel through.
So Ladies how many of us have been there done that. I didn’t think of myself as a "Make Do Women until Forty Days and Forty Nights my soul just opened up. I had finally reached an age when I decided I had given enough of myself over the years to be deserving of taking the time to work on me. I must tell you this was met with great resistance from my family. I have been made to feel guilty for having this attitude by many family members, those that I thought would support me in this search for inner peace, for the run I was making to be a better me. It had me running in circles until one day I decided too heck with them na-sayers, because if not now when. I don’t want to spend the remaining days of my life feeling I had done it somebody else’s way. I no longer feel comfortable being
"A Make Do Women, how about you?
The Little Things
I don’t know how many of you out there watch Extreme Home Make Over, but it amazes me every week at the houses they build and the people they help. The little boy two weeks ago with the brittle bones, they gave him a life, and his own pool in his bedroom, or Job on last weeks show and the challenges he faces, this week granting a dying mans’ last wish for his family.
I was trying to think of somebody that would benefit from this show and then I listen each week to the amazing stories and remember my grandmother’s words, “I cried because I had no shoes till I met the man that had no feet”. When ever we think we got it bad, just look around and choose whose shoes you would want to walk in. It is not always the big things in life that leave a lasting impression but more times than not it is the little things that last forever.
For me the little things are what I cline to, like the smile on my grandbaby’s face when she looks up and suddenly see me. The sound of her voice ringing in my ears so full of innocence or starring into her eyes and seeing endless possibilities as this soul begins this journey called life.
Little things, little things, little things, like watching the flowers in this giant hanging pot on my front porch, they dance as the water reaches their roots, just a little bobbing up and down, or the new flower just starting to bloom on the tomato plant, soon to be a bright red juicy delectable fruit to be savored. Nothing tastes better than a fresh picked tomato with just a little bit of Johnny’s seasoning on it.
The little things, like being able to walk around the block with out having to stop for breath for still being able to swim a lap in the pool So many little things that we take for granted, The Little things.
I was trying to think of somebody that would benefit from this show and then I listen each week to the amazing stories and remember my grandmother’s words, “I cried because I had no shoes till I met the man that had no feet”. When ever we think we got it bad, just look around and choose whose shoes you would want to walk in. It is not always the big things in life that leave a lasting impression but more times than not it is the little things that last forever.
For me the little things are what I cline to, like the smile on my grandbaby’s face when she looks up and suddenly see me. The sound of her voice ringing in my ears so full of innocence or starring into her eyes and seeing endless possibilities as this soul begins this journey called life.
Little things, little things, little things, like watching the flowers in this giant hanging pot on my front porch, they dance as the water reaches their roots, just a little bobbing up and down, or the new flower just starting to bloom on the tomato plant, soon to be a bright red juicy delectable fruit to be savored. Nothing tastes better than a fresh picked tomato with just a little bit of Johnny’s seasoning on it.
The little things, like being able to walk around the block with out having to stop for breath for still being able to swim a lap in the pool So many little things that we take for granted, The Little things.
A Moment In Time
I was sitting in my favorite easy chair and I must have doze just a bit. The doorbell awakens me and I fumble with the lock trying to open the door. I saw an older woman standing beneath the old oak tree with her back to me. She was dressed in casual clothes befitting to a woman of her age. Giving off an aura of wisdom and self-assurance. She saw me peeking at her from a far, not quite ready to open the door. Causally she plucked a chair it seemed out of thin air, putting her feet up as she took a seat. As I studied her there in the door; I could see the flecks of gray mingled in her hair. The tale, tale signs of laughter shared danced in her eyes. The slumped of her shoulders spoke of burdens born out of despair. Who was this woman and what did she want. A smiled played at the corners of her mouth as she said, "I’ll wait someday you’ll let me in".
With a wave of her hand I was transported it seemed back in time as I watched a little girl playing with her dolls. This child with an angel’s face smiled at me and asked, "Hey do you remember this place"? It was my mother’s house on a Sunday morning as I struggled to shake the wraps of being a little girl just starting her journey in this world. Yes indeed I did remember. Scenes from a different time reflecting back on the youth that was once mine. With a wave of her hand and now I stand in another moment frozen in time producing hologram pictures of the history in my mind. Quickly the picture changes to the delivery room where I first marveled at the recreation in birth. As I wonder why I am here my heart quickens her voice causes just a little apprehension. My spirit is calmed as she assures me she is not death, and not here to take me for that long rest.
Why then I asked her is she here? From me my child you have nothing to fear I have merely shown you who you were and how far you have come. It seems I must have fallen back to sleep for when I awoke it was with a sense of peace. My senses holding on to the fragment of a dream, it seems like it was important what ever it was. Someone has left the door ajar and I hear a voice that says never worry I’m not far. Remember me? I’m you that shooting star!
With a wave of her hand I was transported it seemed back in time as I watched a little girl playing with her dolls. This child with an angel’s face smiled at me and asked, "Hey do you remember this place"? It was my mother’s house on a Sunday morning as I struggled to shake the wraps of being a little girl just starting her journey in this world. Yes indeed I did remember. Scenes from a different time reflecting back on the youth that was once mine. With a wave of her hand and now I stand in another moment frozen in time producing hologram pictures of the history in my mind. Quickly the picture changes to the delivery room where I first marveled at the recreation in birth. As I wonder why I am here my heart quickens her voice causes just a little apprehension. My spirit is calmed as she assures me she is not death, and not here to take me for that long rest.
Why then I asked her is she here? From me my child you have nothing to fear I have merely shown you who you were and how far you have come. It seems I must have fallen back to sleep for when I awoke it was with a sense of peace. My senses holding on to the fragment of a dream, it seems like it was important what ever it was. Someone has left the door ajar and I hear a voice that says never worry I’m not far. Remember me? I’m you that shooting star!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Velma
One of the first places I lived on my own was an old apartment building in Pasadena. It had to be one of the first built. There where a total of four apartments, two downstairs and two upstairs. Mr. Bates and Velma lived on the first floor and Susan and Clyde and us lived on the second floor.Ms Velma was a cute petite thing with a supervisor position with Pasadena Laundry I think it was called.. They washed all the linen for the big hotels and rich folks that didn't want to do their laundry.
This was in1968 and this was a big business, employing lots of local ladies and Ms Velma at risen to the top of where she was gonna go because of one major problem, Ms Velma was a drunk. She wasn't the lovable drunk either, Ms Lady would turn violent in a minute. Well as time went on and we got to know each other I found out a little bit of her background. She was raised in the South by her grandmother, one of those the cutest thing in town, dressed real nice and seem to have it all. She finished high school, real big in those days, met a man and got married.
Velma was pregnant almost immediately and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl she named Sunshine, she said cause her world was cloudy without her. Velma and husband broke up and she had to go back to work to support her and her child, daddy's were really sorry in those days and the woman had no recourse to collect child support. Well one day she comes home for lunch and running late she dashed out of the house. As she was backing up she her a thump and thought she had run over one of Sunshine's toys. As she got out of the car she saw a tiny hand sticking out by the back tire and there lay Sunshine under the wheels of the car. Velma the baby didn't even live to the hospital, she died in the ambulance.
My heart went out to her and I couldn't imagine the pain her heart must have felt. It seems Sunshine had learned to open the door and had followed her momma outside, such a little thing it was impossible to see her standing behind the car, truly an accident, but Velma never forgave herself. I moved away and didn't see her for awhile, come to find out Clyde had left Susan and was now with Velma, oh yea he was a drunk also. A drunk working in a liquor store, had to know that wouldn't last long.
I don't know what happen to Velma but I learned many lessons from her, one of which is as people we can do more harm to ourselves than anybody else ever could.
This was in1968 and this was a big business, employing lots of local ladies and Ms Velma at risen to the top of where she was gonna go because of one major problem, Ms Velma was a drunk. She wasn't the lovable drunk either, Ms Lady would turn violent in a minute. Well as time went on and we got to know each other I found out a little bit of her background. She was raised in the South by her grandmother, one of those the cutest thing in town, dressed real nice and seem to have it all. She finished high school, real big in those days, met a man and got married.
Velma was pregnant almost immediately and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl she named Sunshine, she said cause her world was cloudy without her. Velma and husband broke up and she had to go back to work to support her and her child, daddy's were really sorry in those days and the woman had no recourse to collect child support. Well one day she comes home for lunch and running late she dashed out of the house. As she was backing up she her a thump and thought she had run over one of Sunshine's toys. As she got out of the car she saw a tiny hand sticking out by the back tire and there lay Sunshine under the wheels of the car. Velma the baby didn't even live to the hospital, she died in the ambulance.
My heart went out to her and I couldn't imagine the pain her heart must have felt. It seems Sunshine had learned to open the door and had followed her momma outside, such a little thing it was impossible to see her standing behind the car, truly an accident, but Velma never forgave herself. I moved away and didn't see her for awhile, come to find out Clyde had left Susan and was now with Velma, oh yea he was a drunk also. A drunk working in a liquor store, had to know that wouldn't last long.
I don't know what happen to Velma but I learned many lessons from her, one of which is as people we can do more harm to ourselves than anybody else ever could.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Surgeon
Well we are off to see the surgeon in the morning..keep a positive thought working plz..
Good Sunday Morning
Good Sunday morning yall..God is giving my area a bath this morning and she must be trying to wake us up cause it is a freezing water she is using. Doesn't the world just look different after a good rain? Cleaner and fresher...when it is a gentle rain..cause ms rain can hook up with a few of her friends, lady hurricane and ms torrential rain and don't let them invite old man winter and his side kick blizzard, the seasons and nature are indeed marvels that never ceased to amaze me as I walk this winter road on the journey called life.
I spend a lot of time observing nature in my hood. a free show everyday if i just take the time to watch, no matter what the seasons and mother nature plus father time have a schedule to keep and you can't change the schedule. When it is time for winter, than winter it will be, the flowers will grow in the spring, thrive in the summer and prepare for sleep in the fall and the cycle continues.
I like to watch the birds, younger I just thought of them as birds", but my son made me start paying attention to them. I remember one day watching I think it was two hawks fighting over their prey in the air and it was a serious fight both were working with those feet. Both had one claw on the prize and they where swiping at each other with the free claw. One hawk slipped and missed while the other connected, the winner flying off with the prize. As above so below, kinda. How many times do we find ourselves in just that type of situation, we holding on to something so tight that if we "slip", it's gone. Sometimes it's just better to let it go, there'll be another time. Look at the lesson and file it away, but keep your eye out for that hawk. They'll surface one day yet again, be ready this time.
I spend a lot of time observing nature in my hood. a free show everyday if i just take the time to watch, no matter what the seasons and mother nature plus father time have a schedule to keep and you can't change the schedule. When it is time for winter, than winter it will be, the flowers will grow in the spring, thrive in the summer and prepare for sleep in the fall and the cycle continues.
I like to watch the birds, younger I just thought of them as birds", but my son made me start paying attention to them. I remember one day watching I think it was two hawks fighting over their prey in the air and it was a serious fight both were working with those feet. Both had one claw on the prize and they where swiping at each other with the free claw. One hawk slipped and missed while the other connected, the winner flying off with the prize. As above so below, kinda. How many times do we find ourselves in just that type of situation, we holding on to something so tight that if we "slip", it's gone. Sometimes it's just better to let it go, there'll be another time. Look at the lesson and file it away, but keep your eye out for that hawk. They'll surface one day yet again, be ready this time.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I Am Not Old
I can remember as a much younger person when I would comment on the age of another as boy you sure are old, and now at fifty-five I get that a lot which made me sit down and think, am I really old now? The answer I came up with is this:
Old I am not
Evolved I have become
But I am yet like the morning sunrays playing with the clouds
Seeking the warmth of yet another day
I am young like the morning dews first kiss of a fragile rose in bloom
I can be as strong as a hurricane wind
Or as gentle as a summer breeze
I have evolved from a stormy sea into a flowing stream
My roots are firmly planted in today
for I have lived the lessons of yesterday
while sowing seeds in hopes of a better tomorrow
I have held babies to my bosom for two generations and
Celebrated the exit of elders and young
I have known joys that bring tears to your eyes and
Sorrows that making breathing insane
I have evolved from a confused little girl to an
Elder with much to share
Old I am not
Seasoned I have become
I was one of the ones that always listened to the old folks when they talked, mainly cause they had such good stories to tell. Often I could close my eyes and envision the places and events they talked about. I can remember my momma and grandmother all talking about Central Ave in what is now called South Central LA late forties and early fifties when that is where black folks partied. These were the best clubs spotlighting the multitude of black talent living or visiting in the Los Angeles area. A Mecca of black owned and operated Ma and Pa business flourished in da hood.
My memories start in the late fifties and early sixties when the baton of ownership began to change from black owned to Chinese. I grew up on 51st Street and San Pedro, one block from South Park, the staging area for the National Guard during the Watts Riots. I lived walking distance from the first casualty of the riots and we had National Guards sitting on our front porch, one white and one black. I can remember my mother giving the black guard cold water from the fridge and making the white guard drink from the water hose, I did enjoy that moment, our stand for civil rights! Then in the late sixties and early seventies I again watched the baton of ownership pass from the Chinese to the Vietnamese and the number of black business moved to the Westside, those that were able to hang on and move with the flow of the times. Now in 2006 the baton has yet been passed again. Now you have middle easterners owing the businesses and the cultural make-up is the blacks that could not get out and the Mexicans that just got here. Now I am the elder telling the stories of times long passed, back in the day, but I had to live it to be able to tell it.
One of my fondness memories is when I told an older friend of mine that her ass was really becoming old. She smiled at me and cocked her head to one side and said, “Yep and if you’re lucky one day, an old bitch will walk in your door”, I see her coming up driveway yall and I welcome her with open arms! How many of you ladies know and understand that bitch is an art form and it takes years to master the art. I always strive to be the best at what I do. I am not old, just evolved.
Karma
I told you yesterday about my little adventure in the car, well fast forward sixteen years.
We are living in Cleveland, Ohio and I drive a school bus for The Bureau of Jewish Education (see Rich Folks); anyway our neighbor and landlord had an emergency and had to go out of town. They asked us to feed their fish for them while they were gone, to feed fish means they had to leave key to their house with us.
I am at work one Sunday morning and I get a call from home, it seems my eldest daughter decided to go for a ride in the car and her siblings go with her. She has no clue how to drive so they only go backwards and forwards. Her brother gets scared because she is going to fast; she knows nothing about the brakes. He opens the door which catches the side of the garage, demolishes the garage, destroys the front end of the car, as if this is not bad enough, they kill the fish.
Their father decides this won’t happen again and they learn how to drive, my babies learned early.
Do you think we had to move?
Watch for it, Karma ain’t no joke!
The Mustang
This past week I have been talking bout memories and of course if you talk about it the play button is set in motion. So here is one of those cases. I was a terrible confused and angry child and being “good” was a difficult thing for me to be. My very best friend had been invited to a party and this guy that I had a serious crush on was gonna be there. I begged and pleaded to my mom to please let me go. She was way over protective because she had lost one child and this added to my frustration.
Two long weeks of making absolutely certain that I followed all her rules and now the big moment was here. I had the outfit picked out, hair up in rollers, I was ready! Then the bomb dropped, she didn’t like where the girl lived, she wasn’t sure her parents would be good chaperones. I could not believe she was doing this to me; she had given her word, liar! To say that I was devastated would be putting it mildly, but going to the party yes I was.
I carefully invented a reason to be in her room and I eased the keys to the car, a Ford Mustang one of the first. I patiently waited for the house to go to sleep and I eased down the steps, slowly opened the front door and made my way to the car. I put the key in the ignition and put the car into drive. I didn’t know about easing on the gas pedal so I didn’t. BAM! I ran into the car park in front of us and it pushed into the car in front of it, but I am still going to the party, so I turn the steering wheel trying to make my get away, I turn it to hard and step on the gas. BAM! I run into the house across the street from us and if they didn’t have a wall in front, I would have ended up in their living room.
Everybody comes running out of the house; I just sit in the car. I can feel her before I see her, my momma standing at the window. She doesn’t say anything; she just gives me the look and then looks at our house. I slowly walked back across the street and up the stairs, she is gonna kill me. I walk up the front stairs and down the back stairs, over the back fence and on to the party. I walked four miles at night in South Central L.A. to the party. When I got to the party it was just turning out and everybody was leaving, I had maybe 5 minutes there. As we are leaving I am walking with my best friends brother and a police car drives up and I hear this cop call my name, I keep walking. He shines the light on me and I stop. He says aren’t you Madelyn and I say no and give them the name of my best friend and I proceed to tell them that Madelyn’s mother just picked her up. Satisfied they have done their job they drive off.
I was captured the next day by my best friend’s mom and returned home, my mother didn’t speak to me for six months and I do mean she didn’t say anything, nothing at all.
On the other hand, Karma ain’t no joke, gonna tell you that one next time.
Two long weeks of making absolutely certain that I followed all her rules and now the big moment was here. I had the outfit picked out, hair up in rollers, I was ready! Then the bomb dropped, she didn’t like where the girl lived, she wasn’t sure her parents would be good chaperones. I could not believe she was doing this to me; she had given her word, liar! To say that I was devastated would be putting it mildly, but going to the party yes I was.
I carefully invented a reason to be in her room and I eased the keys to the car, a Ford Mustang one of the first. I patiently waited for the house to go to sleep and I eased down the steps, slowly opened the front door and made my way to the car. I put the key in the ignition and put the car into drive. I didn’t know about easing on the gas pedal so I didn’t. BAM! I ran into the car park in front of us and it pushed into the car in front of it, but I am still going to the party, so I turn the steering wheel trying to make my get away, I turn it to hard and step on the gas. BAM! I run into the house across the street from us and if they didn’t have a wall in front, I would have ended up in their living room.
Everybody comes running out of the house; I just sit in the car. I can feel her before I see her, my momma standing at the window. She doesn’t say anything; she just gives me the look and then looks at our house. I slowly walked back across the street and up the stairs, she is gonna kill me. I walk up the front stairs and down the back stairs, over the back fence and on to the party. I walked four miles at night in South Central L.A. to the party. When I got to the party it was just turning out and everybody was leaving, I had maybe 5 minutes there. As we are leaving I am walking with my best friends brother and a police car drives up and I hear this cop call my name, I keep walking. He shines the light on me and I stop. He says aren’t you Madelyn and I say no and give them the name of my best friend and I proceed to tell them that Madelyn’s mother just picked her up. Satisfied they have done their job they drive off.
I was captured the next day by my best friend’s mom and returned home, my mother didn’t speak to me for six months and I do mean she didn’t say anything, nothing at all.
On the other hand, Karma ain’t no joke, gonna tell you that one next time.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The Process
Well we had the second consultation and now we can move along with getting in to see the surgeon. My husband finish the first part of the herbal treatment and we wanted to dothe PSA Test to see if it had gone up or down or stayed the same. Well when we first went to the Urologist he assured us that we could do as many test as we were comfortable with I asked him to order one now and he refused and argued with me about it, big black mark against him, but once they know you are seeking alternative medicine they don't wanna be helpful at all. Never fear I got it ordered, when he went to the second consultation, by the way I liked this Doctor better, but any way I got him to do it. So now he is finishing up second set of herbs and he goes to see primary doctor next week, I'll get her to order another one and then we wait on the next doctor's appt.
The second doctor did recommend UCLA and USC for the robotic surgery, I think I would prefer UCLA but we will see. They say yes we could get City of Hope but we would have to fight for it and that takes time, unfortunately cancer working on it's own time table.
The second doctor did recommend UCLA and USC for the robotic surgery, I think I would prefer UCLA but we will see. They say yes we could get City of Hope but we would have to fight for it and that takes time, unfortunately cancer working on it's own time table.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Treatment
Well we are day three in to the treatment, which consist of 11 herbs, roots and seeds taken as a tea each morning about an hour or so after breakfast. When the Practioner told us about the treatment, he told my husband "it taste real bad", my husband was like ok. He said "some folks say it taste like shit", hubby, "ok". Well on day one my husband foundout what "shit" taste like. His first reaction was "Oh My God, just take me now". The face he made was absolutely priceless, I am tying to get him to let me upload it, the expression is priceless.
This is the cleaning part of the treatment, we always got to do a cleanseing before starting a treatment or the treatment as to work twice as hard. So he does 6 days of these herbs, i'll get around to listing them soon, and then he rest for one day and startes 7 days of the herbs that will target the cancer. The cleaning is working, his poor little behind, lol.
On Tuesday we get the results of the bone scan, keep your prayers working , plz. With results we will know exactly where he is with this, well as exact as you can be, but we will know better and be ale to make a beter decision on the "what next", part of this.
These links are some of the "hmm" information I have come across and somebody might need it today or tomorrow. I am trying to share what I learn in hopes of helping somebody else. Oh yea before I do that, folks asking us what are we hoping the treatment will do. Me personnaly I want it to do what it do and do it quickly. But the Practioner says from the first PSA Test to the second like a week later hubby's had gone up to fast so we are hoping to chill it and stablize it so we can continue to make the perparations for which ever other step he decides on. The ultimate hope for is the PSA drops, now that would amaze me and give me/us so much hope in the Holistic approach to this dease. In the end we gonna see what it do. Ok now for the links.
Alternative Cancer Treatments
The Soup Lady
Prostrate Cancer Treatment
How To Make (cancer protocol )
Vernon's Dance with Cancer
Grape Cure
Ok so these are just a few..I'll add more later until then...
We'll Holla
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
All of Sudden Eveything Changes
September 26, 2011 is a day that will forever live in infamy in my mind.. At 1 p.m. on a warm fall day we got the word that my husband has prostate cancer. Wow now that’s some mess nobody wants hear nad your mind races with a million thoughts or at least in my head that’s what was going on, can’t speak for hubby’s mind. My first reaction was now what? I was kinda in a daze for 2 days trying to formulate a plan, trying to educate myself on this killer of a cancer. Thought about folks we know that didn’t win that battle, wow many thoughts pouring in like water from a swollen stream.
So we started our investigation. The doctor says your options are basically very low. Chemo might kill the cancer but what it is gonna do to your body is enough to kill you all by itself. Traditional Surgery might get all the cancer but it is gonna change your life in ways that give new meaning to being a child for the second time. The medication gives new meaning to exploring your feminine side. What to do, what to do.
Well between talking to folks and gathering information, data, percentages the robotic surgery is the best way to go and hope that you get a surgeon that knows how to operate the robot. Lots can go wrong there also, but we got it on the table. We have to go to our Primary doctor to get the authorization for the second opinion, and we are trying to get it with City of Hope the second best hospital/research center in the United States or so they say. They do seem to be on the cutting edge from what I can see, but then what do I know. This process get the authorization, make the appointment for the consultation and then schedule the appointment for the surgery, we could be looking at a month, so what to do while playing the waiting game, the thought of cancer just sitting there is unacceptable to me and my husband ain’t real thrilled about it either.
I am a true believer of Alternative Medicine most of it has been around for centuries and people have made it their lifelong goal to treat deceases with natural medicine. Most if not all of our medicine comes from a plant, a root or a seed and the pharmaceutical companies have altered nature and sell it for a huge profit. Not to mention I believe God knew all these deceases and challenges we would face and in her wisdom she has placed all we need right here on earth. It is up to us to figure out what and how to use these resources. So began my search for a cure.
It is amazing to me how spirit works and when you put an SOS callout all your guides run to help out. If you listen spirit will guide you to the place you need to be when you need to be there.
So we started our investigation. The doctor says your options are basically very low. Chemo might kill the cancer but what it is gonna do to your body is enough to kill you all by itself. Traditional Surgery might get all the cancer but it is gonna change your life in ways that give new meaning to being a child for the second time. The medication gives new meaning to exploring your feminine side. What to do, what to do.
Well between talking to folks and gathering information, data, percentages the robotic surgery is the best way to go and hope that you get a surgeon that knows how to operate the robot. Lots can go wrong there also, but we got it on the table. We have to go to our Primary doctor to get the authorization for the second opinion, and we are trying to get it with City of Hope the second best hospital/research center in the United States or so they say. They do seem to be on the cutting edge from what I can see, but then what do I know. This process get the authorization, make the appointment for the consultation and then schedule the appointment for the surgery, we could be looking at a month, so what to do while playing the waiting game, the thought of cancer just sitting there is unacceptable to me and my husband ain’t real thrilled about it either.
I am a true believer of Alternative Medicine most of it has been around for centuries and people have made it their lifelong goal to treat deceases with natural medicine. Most if not all of our medicine comes from a plant, a root or a seed and the pharmaceutical companies have altered nature and sell it for a huge profit. Not to mention I believe God knew all these deceases and challenges we would face and in her wisdom she has placed all we need right here on earth. It is up to us to figure out what and how to use these resources. So began my search for a cure.
It is amazing to me how spirit works and when you put an SOS callout all your guides run to help out. If you listen spirit will guide you to the place you need to be when you need to be there.
The Cure
Soo anyway I started looking for my/our needle in a haystack and then I remembered hearing about this man named Jiansan Ding,a therapist working at Pomona Valley Hospital, so I checked him out and could find nothing negative about him and I made an appointment to see him.
He asked me to bring in a copy of the biopsy and recent lab work. At the appointment he looked over the lab reports and said he wanted to start my husband on a regiment of herbs. He also said in America a alternative health worker cannot say they can cure cancer, they have to say they treat the symptoms of the disease cancer, he went on to say but in his country, China they cure cancer. His prices are very reasonable and we have decided to give it a try, I say we but it is always my husband who has to make the decision. So Saturday October 15th he will start on this treatment.
We are probably still two to three weeks out on the surgery and it is our hope that in between this time the PSA and Gleason scores will drop significantly. At current time PSA is 15.5 and Gleason score is a 6.
Now there is another man, Dr. Sebi but alas he is in Honduras and I don't have the $4,000.00 yet for his seven day treatment, buuut I am working on it. All donation excepted.
Today he had an ultra sound and tomorrow he goes back for a full body bone scan, this is too see if the cancer has spread and we should get results back by Monday, keeping fingers cross.
It helps me to blog about this giving me something to look back on after the cure is complete and I hope I am able to pass along some info you just might be able to use.
He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
He asked me to bring in a copy of the biopsy and recent lab work. At the appointment he looked over the lab reports and said he wanted to start my husband on a regiment of herbs. He also said in America a alternative health worker cannot say they can cure cancer, they have to say they treat the symptoms of the disease cancer, he went on to say but in his country, China they cure cancer. His prices are very reasonable and we have decided to give it a try, I say we but it is always my husband who has to make the decision. So Saturday October 15th he will start on this treatment.
We are probably still two to three weeks out on the surgery and it is our hope that in between this time the PSA and Gleason scores will drop significantly. At current time PSA is 15.5 and Gleason score is a 6.
Now there is another man, Dr. Sebi but alas he is in Honduras and I don't have the $4,000.00 yet for his seven day treatment, buuut I am working on it. All donation excepted.
Today he had an ultra sound and tomorrow he goes back for a full body bone scan, this is too see if the cancer has spread and we should get results back by Monday, keeping fingers cross.
It helps me to blog about this giving me something to look back on after the cure is complete and I hope I am able to pass along some info you just might be able to use.
He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The Ripple Effect - Author Unknown To Me
Everything You Do Matters
The Ripple Effect
In a world of six billion people, it’s easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward. The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.
Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy. One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone’s life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin. You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness. Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.
A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world. You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples moves onward and outward. One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of positivity.
The Ripple Effect
In a world of six billion people, it’s easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward. The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.
Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy. One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone’s life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin. You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness. Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.
A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world. You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples moves onward and outward. One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of positivity.
The Christmas Story
My Uncle Eldridge Cleaver used to tell a story about his favorite Christmas. I wanted to honor him in some way so I have elected to tell the world his Christmas Story. Fifty-three years or so ago my mother’s family was kinda forced to relocate from Little Rock because of an incident involving my grandfather, Leroy Cleaver. This is where my story begins.
Granddaddy loved shoes and every payday he would buy himself a new pair. They say that my grandmother would have to meet him on payday to get the household money before he got started on his weekly buying. I can remember even in his old age he was one sharp dresser. Eldridge says one-day granddaddy had to go downtown to pay some bills and he (Eldridge) tagged along with him.
Of course back in the late thirties early forties you know Little Rock was very racist, and it had been raining that day. The streets were mud puddles. The streets did not have sidewalks, but rather narrow wooden boards with dirt streets. As they proceeded on the journey two white men were walking towards them. Now it was customary for the blacks to step off the sidewalk if a white person was going to pass them. Knowing what was coming next my granddaddy told Eldridge to get real close to the wall and not to say anything. Leroy had on his new shoes and he wasn’t about to step in the mud.
As the white men came closer they yelled to my grandfather, "Boy step off", my grandfather replied, "It’s been raining and the street is full of mud, me and my boy will get real close to this wall and you can pass." Now for most folks this would have worked, but here we had two red necks that probably only owned the shoes they had on. Again they said, "Boy step off the sidewalk now." My grandfather refused and one of the red necks pushed him, causing one of his new shoes to sink into the mud. Quickly he pulled his foot back up on the sidewalk only to see the other red neck reaching for him. Eldridge says quick as lighting my grandfather pulled his razor and cut the red neck on his arm. As the blood shot out my granddaddy hollered for Eldridge to run home as quick as he could and tell my grandmother what had happened. Granddaddy cautioned Eldridge not to stop along the way.
Of course my grandmother knew what this meant and when several hours later my granddaddy showed up to the house she had his stuff packed and ready for him. Under the cover of darkness my granddaddy slipped out of town, and a couple of months later he turned up in Arizona, Phoenix to be exact.
Now this had to be a great blow to the family. At the time my granddaddy was working as a porter for the railroad. Good money in those days. My grandmother was a teacher. Which would be worse, finding new jobs for both of them or burying my granddaddy? A few moths passed and the family again relocated to Southern California.
My grandfather found work as a Maitre D, and my grandmother became a custodian for Lincoln High School. They were able to buy a house in Rose Hills and the family settled in.
Time passed and the family grew. Wilhelmina, my mother was the oldest, Helen next, followed by Eldridge, next James and then Theopolis, and the baby Claudette who was born in Arizona on a cold December day.
At the top of Rose Hills was an old run down house owned by a lady folks called Mary Goat. My granddaddy struck a deal with Ms. Mary Goat to buy the house. My grandmother refused to move in until my granddaddy made several major repairs. So the girls stayed with her and the boys moved in with him. Everyday he rushed home from work to complete some repair on the house and everyday my grandmother laughed at him.
The holiday season was upon them and my grandmother’s house was decorated with lights tinkling like star in the night. The Christmas tree was ready for Old Saint Nick. The kitchen a blaze with the sweet aromas of festive cooking under way.
The girls used to tease the boys everyday about the shack they lived in. The boys felt really bad, but of course they could not abandon their father, after all my grandmother was already making him feel like a failure.
As Christmas Eve dawned, my grandfather had repaired quite a bit, but not the roof. Wouldn’t you know it started to rain on Christmas Eve after the boys had gone to bed, and the room the boys were sleeping in had a leak right over their bed?
Eldridge says his last thoughts that night were of his father holding an umbrella over them, and his first sight that next morning was of his father asleep in a chair still holding that umbrella. This he says was his greatest Christmas gift, the love and concern a father has for his children. For indeed it was love that held the hand that held the umbrella on a cold and rainy Christmas Eve. A gift that money could never buy.
Granddaddy loved shoes and every payday he would buy himself a new pair. They say that my grandmother would have to meet him on payday to get the household money before he got started on his weekly buying. I can remember even in his old age he was one sharp dresser. Eldridge says one-day granddaddy had to go downtown to pay some bills and he (Eldridge) tagged along with him.
Of course back in the late thirties early forties you know Little Rock was very racist, and it had been raining that day. The streets were mud puddles. The streets did not have sidewalks, but rather narrow wooden boards with dirt streets. As they proceeded on the journey two white men were walking towards them. Now it was customary for the blacks to step off the sidewalk if a white person was going to pass them. Knowing what was coming next my granddaddy told Eldridge to get real close to the wall and not to say anything. Leroy had on his new shoes and he wasn’t about to step in the mud.
As the white men came closer they yelled to my grandfather, "Boy step off", my grandfather replied, "It’s been raining and the street is full of mud, me and my boy will get real close to this wall and you can pass." Now for most folks this would have worked, but here we had two red necks that probably only owned the shoes they had on. Again they said, "Boy step off the sidewalk now." My grandfather refused and one of the red necks pushed him, causing one of his new shoes to sink into the mud. Quickly he pulled his foot back up on the sidewalk only to see the other red neck reaching for him. Eldridge says quick as lighting my grandfather pulled his razor and cut the red neck on his arm. As the blood shot out my granddaddy hollered for Eldridge to run home as quick as he could and tell my grandmother what had happened. Granddaddy cautioned Eldridge not to stop along the way.
Of course my grandmother knew what this meant and when several hours later my granddaddy showed up to the house she had his stuff packed and ready for him. Under the cover of darkness my granddaddy slipped out of town, and a couple of months later he turned up in Arizona, Phoenix to be exact.
Now this had to be a great blow to the family. At the time my granddaddy was working as a porter for the railroad. Good money in those days. My grandmother was a teacher. Which would be worse, finding new jobs for both of them or burying my granddaddy? A few moths passed and the family again relocated to Southern California.
My grandfather found work as a Maitre D, and my grandmother became a custodian for Lincoln High School. They were able to buy a house in Rose Hills and the family settled in.
Time passed and the family grew. Wilhelmina, my mother was the oldest, Helen next, followed by Eldridge, next James and then Theopolis, and the baby Claudette who was born in Arizona on a cold December day.
At the top of Rose Hills was an old run down house owned by a lady folks called Mary Goat. My granddaddy struck a deal with Ms. Mary Goat to buy the house. My grandmother refused to move in until my granddaddy made several major repairs. So the girls stayed with her and the boys moved in with him. Everyday he rushed home from work to complete some repair on the house and everyday my grandmother laughed at him.
The holiday season was upon them and my grandmother’s house was decorated with lights tinkling like star in the night. The Christmas tree was ready for Old Saint Nick. The kitchen a blaze with the sweet aromas of festive cooking under way.
The girls used to tease the boys everyday about the shack they lived in. The boys felt really bad, but of course they could not abandon their father, after all my grandmother was already making him feel like a failure.
As Christmas Eve dawned, my grandfather had repaired quite a bit, but not the roof. Wouldn’t you know it started to rain on Christmas Eve after the boys had gone to bed, and the room the boys were sleeping in had a leak right over their bed?
Eldridge says his last thoughts that night were of his father holding an umbrella over them, and his first sight that next morning was of his father asleep in a chair still holding that umbrella. This he says was his greatest Christmas gift, the love and concern a father has for his children. For indeed it was love that held the hand that held the umbrella on a cold and rainy Christmas Eve. A gift that money could never buy.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Ms. Jing
28 DEC 2009
We are coming to the end of another year, my, my, what a year it has been. I was sitting here this morning doing a little reflecting and I got stuck in a period about seven years ago. Angel was about a year old and after staying at home with her for the first year, I was bored out of my mind, so I decided to go back to school. There is a child development center on the campus and in order for Angel to go to the school without me having to pay for it I had to take a parenting class, that’s where my story begins.
It was in the fall of the year that I returned to school for the life of me I couldn’t understand why I had to take a parenting class, my baby was in his thirties so pretty much I had been a parent for some number of years. As I entered the classroom that first day, I looked around the classroom and all my other classmates were barely in their twenties, some thirties, but only one fifties, me. I don’t remember the lesson just the feeling, like okay, and? Then there was the teacher, Ms Jing. Often I would ask God, why? Why me? The woman was insufferable and I believed she was picking me, singling me out for harassment, I am still not sure that wasn’t part of it. Angel was able to attend this school because at the time she was my foster child, even though she was also my grandchild and she got to go free. This was a blessing for us, we were just starting a business and with the added burden of the cost of child I wouldn’t have been able to return to school and school is what I needed at that time in this journey.
Ms Jing and I bumped heads several times that semester with some of the madness resulting in an appearance before her department head. I felt I was completely right on this issue and I would not back down, and neither would she. Well the department head agreed with me and that battle I won, and I won a lot of them. Ahh, but the war? She won that one, she failed me in her class and that meant for Angel to continue at the school I would have to retake that class and Ms. Jing was the only teacher.
Now I am sure I was a big part of the problem and I had to sit down and talk to me, because I wasn’t gonna take this class a third time. I was gonna have to really pay attention, be on time and all that stuff.
So I did and you know what I actually learned some things. She made us keep a journal that she would read and she made us write about real life things that were affecting our lives, which means she got to know each one of us a little bit better while she made us know ourselves better.
While sharing one day in class Ms. Jing told us a little bit about her early years, if memory serves me correctly, and it might not, but she is from China and little girls didn’t really matter over there. I can remember her telling about sitting in her living room watching her parents at neighbors’ homes socializing. She wanted to go to college but a college education was deemed worthless for a female child and her brother was the elected one to come to America and be educated. I get a little foggy but something happen and her brother for whatever reason was not going to college. I believe monies had already been spent so through her determination she was able to take her brother’s place and that’s how she ended up in America where dreams do come true. I found a new respect for her and I passed the class.
Ms Jing left Valley College and I lost contact with her till one day I was looking through email addresses and came upon hers. I dropped her line so we kinda stayed in touch off and on. I had put up on facebook some pictures of Angel and invited her to see Angel now eight. When she responded she told me she had read some of my blogs and that I was a tough old bird. Hmm a tough old bird, I like that.
Oh yeah and her making us keep a Journal? That was my first blog, Thanks Ms. Jing.
We are coming to the end of another year, my, my, what a year it has been. I was sitting here this morning doing a little reflecting and I got stuck in a period about seven years ago. Angel was about a year old and after staying at home with her for the first year, I was bored out of my mind, so I decided to go back to school. There is a child development center on the campus and in order for Angel to go to the school without me having to pay for it I had to take a parenting class, that’s where my story begins.
It was in the fall of the year that I returned to school for the life of me I couldn’t understand why I had to take a parenting class, my baby was in his thirties so pretty much I had been a parent for some number of years. As I entered the classroom that first day, I looked around the classroom and all my other classmates were barely in their twenties, some thirties, but only one fifties, me. I don’t remember the lesson just the feeling, like okay, and? Then there was the teacher, Ms Jing. Often I would ask God, why? Why me? The woman was insufferable and I believed she was picking me, singling me out for harassment, I am still not sure that wasn’t part of it. Angel was able to attend this school because at the time she was my foster child, even though she was also my grandchild and she got to go free. This was a blessing for us, we were just starting a business and with the added burden of the cost of child I wouldn’t have been able to return to school and school is what I needed at that time in this journey.
Ms Jing and I bumped heads several times that semester with some of the madness resulting in an appearance before her department head. I felt I was completely right on this issue and I would not back down, and neither would she. Well the department head agreed with me and that battle I won, and I won a lot of them. Ahh, but the war? She won that one, she failed me in her class and that meant for Angel to continue at the school I would have to retake that class and Ms. Jing was the only teacher.
Now I am sure I was a big part of the problem and I had to sit down and talk to me, because I wasn’t gonna take this class a third time. I was gonna have to really pay attention, be on time and all that stuff.
So I did and you know what I actually learned some things. She made us keep a journal that she would read and she made us write about real life things that were affecting our lives, which means she got to know each one of us a little bit better while she made us know ourselves better.
While sharing one day in class Ms. Jing told us a little bit about her early years, if memory serves me correctly, and it might not, but she is from China and little girls didn’t really matter over there. I can remember her telling about sitting in her living room watching her parents at neighbors’ homes socializing. She wanted to go to college but a college education was deemed worthless for a female child and her brother was the elected one to come to America and be educated. I get a little foggy but something happen and her brother for whatever reason was not going to college. I believe monies had already been spent so through her determination she was able to take her brother’s place and that’s how she ended up in America where dreams do come true. I found a new respect for her and I passed the class.
Ms Jing left Valley College and I lost contact with her till one day I was looking through email addresses and came upon hers. I dropped her line so we kinda stayed in touch off and on. I had put up on facebook some pictures of Angel and invited her to see Angel now eight. When she responded she told me she had read some of my blogs and that I was a tough old bird. Hmm a tough old bird, I like that.
Oh yeah and her making us keep a Journal? That was my first blog, Thanks Ms. Jing.
Heaven’s Gate
17 JAN 2010
As I sat on the deck last evening watching the moon play hide and seek among the clouds suddenly a mass of stars appeared giving off an eerie light, at first it looked like an old lady and then a child, a man holding something small in his arms. The image slowly changed to a young woman, an old man and there seemed to several people grouped together as the stars moved on through the sky leaving a trail of what appeared to be tears, now how can the sky cry.
As I sat and pondered this question the image of the old woman reappeared, I could hear her whisper, “listen closely my child”, I felt her more than I heard her and this is what she said. Tell them not to cry for me because I am old and my time has come. Cry for the babies, those that were born and those who will never be born. She said cry for the babies now all alone, cry for the parents that are crying for their babies. Lady Death as been busy for there is a line at Heaven’s Gate. Some souls won’t make it as they continue to roam; most all of them she said can’t get use to the idea that they are dead.
Arrogance and greed planted the seed that will lead to all our destruction if we don’t pay heed. Haiti is strong and again we will rise as the Phoenix from the ashes this time more strong. It is the young that shall lead and education that will set them free. Greed is what has upset Mother Earth’s balance and if not regained will destroy this earth, you must pay attention to the signs, the warning bell has already sounded. Mother Earth is like a cracked plate, keeping putting pressure on her and one day it will break.
Be careful of the dead and the names that the living are using for this catastrophe will last for generations to come.
God Bless Haïti et maintenir que ses enfants fermer nous avons rejoint les ancêtres et la volonté aide hors lorsque nous pouvons.
God Bless Haiti and hold his children close we joined the ancestors and we will to help out when we can.
She pulled her sweater closer with a tear in her eye, “I must go now”, she said as the light grows fainter, Lady Death has been busy and there is a line at Heaven’s Gate.
As I sat on the deck last evening watching the moon play hide and seek among the clouds suddenly a mass of stars appeared giving off an eerie light, at first it looked like an old lady and then a child, a man holding something small in his arms. The image slowly changed to a young woman, an old man and there seemed to several people grouped together as the stars moved on through the sky leaving a trail of what appeared to be tears, now how can the sky cry.
As I sat and pondered this question the image of the old woman reappeared, I could hear her whisper, “listen closely my child”, I felt her more than I heard her and this is what she said. Tell them not to cry for me because I am old and my time has come. Cry for the babies, those that were born and those who will never be born. She said cry for the babies now all alone, cry for the parents that are crying for their babies. Lady Death as been busy for there is a line at Heaven’s Gate. Some souls won’t make it as they continue to roam; most all of them she said can’t get use to the idea that they are dead.
Arrogance and greed planted the seed that will lead to all our destruction if we don’t pay heed. Haiti is strong and again we will rise as the Phoenix from the ashes this time more strong. It is the young that shall lead and education that will set them free. Greed is what has upset Mother Earth’s balance and if not regained will destroy this earth, you must pay attention to the signs, the warning bell has already sounded. Mother Earth is like a cracked plate, keeping putting pressure on her and one day it will break.
Be careful of the dead and the names that the living are using for this catastrophe will last for generations to come.
God Bless Haïti et maintenir que ses enfants fermer nous avons rejoint les ancêtres et la volonté aide hors lorsque nous pouvons.
God Bless Haiti and hold his children close we joined the ancestors and we will to help out when we can.
She pulled her sweater closer with a tear in her eye, “I must go now”, she said as the light grows fainter, Lady Death has been busy and there is a line at Heaven’s Gate.
And My Heart Cried
AUG2010Leave a Comment
YaYa ComasI was talking with my second oldest grandbaby, one half of a set of twins today. She is now 21 almost 22 and she shared with me her experience in school and how each year got harder and harder for her. I always knew she was having trouble in school, but at the time I didn’t understand her struggle, I do now. She has what so many of our kids have, a learning disability. More prevalent in drug babies than ever before, and my heart cried cause I didn’t know, but I should have.
She shared with me how it broke her heart not to be able to march on that stage with her sister, no prom, or any of the other activities that go along with that mile stone and my heart cried. She shared with me just how hard it was for her in school, she said grandmommie I really tried but I just couldn’t understand, it was like a foreign language. she said I would really be trying to follow the teacher and then something would distract me and I would be lost for the rest of the class, sometimes for the rest of semester and my heart cried.
This is the gift my daughter, their mother left to them, it is so hard in so many ways for drug babies. Learning disabilities are not something new, but with this new age of drugs it is so much more severe. I told her but now you know you can learn and you are not stupid it just takes a little longer for you as it did for me. Sometimes school is not for everybody parents and if you see this help them get a trade because no matter what they have to live and it is way easier on you if they are able to care for themselves.
Learning disabilities are nothing new, but how we handle them can be.
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